Mother's Day 2019

Today is Mother’s Day. I can’t help by reflect on where I’ve been mentally and spiritually over the years when it comes to this holiday.

When I was in my 20s, I watched as my circles of friends started pairing up up, getting married and starting families. I celebrated with them as they celebrated their first Mother’s Day. While I was genuinely happy for them, I admit I felt a little left out.  Fortunately, I was able to shift my focus and concentrate on celebrating my own mother and the mother figures in my life. After all, I still had plenty of time, right?

In my 30s, my circles of single friends continued to shrink There was still no husband or family on the horizon for me, and time was ticking away. I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out on something, like life was passing me by. I even started to think something was wrong with me. Society tells us we’re supposed to reach certain milestones by a particular age. As always, I found myself on a different path from everyone else. Shifting focus and staying positive took more of an effort; and did I mention time was getting shorter?

By the time my forties came along, I pretty much figured that the marriage and family ship had sailed for me. I resigned myself to this, but with the resignation came the seeds of bitterness and disappointment that were deep and difficult to uproot. Shifting focus was a faint blip on the radar and positivity… I was fresh out. Oh, and time… seemed to stand still. (Side Note: I know I was not a joy to be around then, so to all those I bummed out during this stage; I am so, so sorry!)

Today, as I sit in the beginning of my 50s (Good Lord, where does the time go?!), I feel like I’ve grown a great deal. For one thing, I refuse to remain stuck in old hurts and disappointments about what isn’t because it only robs me of experiencing and appreciating the joy of what is. I have to give credit to my faith for this. God truly did a work in my heart in this area that is hard to explain. So, as I celebrate my mom and my loved ones who are moms, I’m in a really good place. I’m content, I’m thankful for the little ones I have in my life, and I’m hopeful for the future whatever it may bring.

This post wraps things up in a much neater package than the way I actually experienced it. In real life it was, and still is, a process; a long process. I have to make conscious choices to let go of certain things and embrace new things. I have to combat negative thoughts and feelings with the Word of God. I have to remind myself of what I’ve accomplished and experienced so far. Finally, I have to allow myself to dream again, to hope again, and to believe again.

My prayer is that those who find themselves in a similar spot would be encouraged today and going forward to live, to love, and to dream again.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Isunji