Settling In


I was talking to my bestie last night and I mentioned how my dad would be upset with me if he were still alive because of my house. What I mean is he'd be upset at the fact that after three years in my house, I still haven't "settled in." Oh I'm comfortable enough. I have furniture I love and so on, but there's still something lacking. With the exception of a couple pictures here and there, my walls are essentially bare. To be honest, I just haven't found those pieces of art that speak to me, that say me. I haven't really been looking of late and I'm thinking it might be part of this grieving process that keeps manifesting in odd ways that I don't even recognize until after the fact... My dad had a real eye for decorating. He could come in a room, look around and tell you where everything should go and it would be on point. He knew which pictures to choose and where they should go. He played a big part in making the houses we lived in, home. When it came to settling in to a home, I trusted his judgement without question. I guess I always just assumed he'd be there when I bought my own home to help me choose what to get and tell me where it should go, because his gift seems to have skipped me... As life goes, however, he passed away in September 2010 and I closed on the house in February 2011. Two major life changes, on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, in such a short span of time kind of left me stunted.

Last night as I chatted on the phone, I really I looked around at the bare, oatmeal colored walls in my bedroom that even I know don't go with my decor. and I thought of my dad. I could hear him say, "Don't you think it's about time you did something about that? Why are all the walls still bare?" So I guess it's time to step out there again and start looking for things that will make my house, home. I have to trust that buried somewhere deep within me is a small portion of that gift that my dad had to pick the right things and put them in just the right place. I think it's time I settled in, don't you agree?

Photo credit: Pasi Pitkanen