Changing Lanes

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”
(Ps 37:4 NLT)

The 22nd of next month will mark twenty-five years that I will have prayed the same prayer. Can you imagine twenty-five years of asking for the same thing? Well… maybe I should take a year, or five, off. The silent years when I grew tired of asking and getting no response so I simply went quiet about it... Those were the years when it did not seem worth the effort to pour out the desires on my heart to a God who, for whatever reason, was not hearing me.

     Still – 20 years of asking the same thing… can you blame me for getting weary? Twenty years of waiting for an answer, or better yet, a manifestation… The Bible says in Proverbs 13:12 that hope deferred makes the heart sick... Well I can vouch for King Solomon 100% on that one because I have been heartsick over this thing. I have been in a cycle where I rotate from being hopeful, to being humbled, to  being hopeless and around again because of this one request that remains elusive and unanswered. Lately, I have been on that low end of the cycle. Today, however, while talking to a good friend, I realized what happened - I shifted lanes. Allow me to explain...

     It is kind of like my commute this morning. There I was going along my merry way when a yellow cab jumped out from a side street and cut me off. I had to stop short and adjust my driving for his. He drove slowly and the cab even swerved a couple times as he combed his hair in his rear view mirror, put on his baseball cap, and checked out his reflection. (Really?!) I missed a light because I was stuck behind him but there was nowhere for me to go because we were in the same lane. Finally the road split and I was able to change lanes. From there it was smooth sailing - for the most part...

     Well just like that cab driver, I shifted into His lane concerning my petition and I cut God off. That shift on my part gave rise to doubt, frustration, anger, and, eventually, full-blown hopelessness. I had drifted into His lane and began operating from it leaving God nowhere to go because I was in front of Him. As a result I began to wonder whether my petition would ever being answered. I wondered where God was and what on earth He was doing that was taking so long! Meanwhile, God, in His infinite love and wisdom waited patiently as my car swerved a time or two as I studied my own reflection in my rear view mirror.

     I remembered Psalm 37:4 in conversation with my friend and realized that my responsibility lies in the first part; the “taking delight in the Lord” part. That is my lane and I need to concentrate on staying there. The second part; “giving me the desires of my heart,” is God’s lane. I have no business over there, and when I do drift over and try to “help” Him, as I am apt to do, I end up cutting Him off and blocking Him from His destination – my heart’s desire. All of that is to say that I am changing lanes today. I am getting back where I am supposed to be; to a place of taking delight in God – period. In the mean time, I am learning to fully trust God to handle His part. It may be another twenty-five years or it may never come – either way I embrace the trust in God this experience has birthed in me through the process, and I will do my best to stay in my lane!

Drive safely beloved - and stay in your lane! :o)