God's Got It

Last week was a hard one. My mother is out of the country and my father is staying at an assisted living facility while she’s away. All was well until I got a call Sunday saying that dad had collapsed and they couldn’t get him up. This was followed by a week back and forth to and from the hospital. I can’t remember when I was so tired, and not just physically. I was emotionally and spiritually drained. So many decisions to make concerning his care, speaking with a different nurse every day, deciding where he would go when he was released, and just having to be the “parent” in the situation. I was beyond stressed! God was faithful to refresh and restore, but I wasn’t faithful at all. In fact it wasn’t until this happened that I came face to face with where I have been spiritually.

To be completely honest, I’ve been angry with God. While I understand that life is not fair and no one is promised a trouble-free life, I quietly took exception with God concerning what my dad has been going through for the past few years - the dementia, the strokes, the illnesses. Aging has not been kind and quite frankly I don’t get it. I get the whole “circle of life” thing, but I can’t help but believe that we don’t HAVE to leave this earth sick in body and mind, or in pain, especially believers. I don’t get how a man who spent his entire live in God’s service ends up here. I don’t get the pain in watch a man who once changed others lives with the words that God gave him, unable to form a coherent sentence at times, not to mention the other things I’ve witnessed since I returned home. I just don’t get it. There have been times when I’ve wanted to shake my fist at the Heavens and scream, “God, where ARE You in all of this?!!!”

Not a fist-shaking screamer by nature, I opted for my own quiet rebellion. I can’t remember when I last opened my Bible, or prayed or worshipped, or fasted. I even stopped blogging - no sense in adding hypocrisy to the list, right? All the stuff that I KNOW works, I dropped. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t left God. I don’t reverence Him any less. I still believe and all that. In fact people have sought me out more during this time for prayer or an encouraging word! God is so funny like that - He chooses to use us in the moments we feel we have the least to give. I suppose that’s so there’s no danger of us getting in the way or taking the credit!

Also, for whatever reason I’ve been listening to gospel music only for a while (in fact as I write this Israel is in my ear singing ‘I Am Not Forgotten’ I know it’s true, but it sure has felt like He had forgotten us) - so I know God has His hand on me still. Even so, I sense the distance and I realize I’m the one who created it. So now as I being the business of getting back in place with God I acknowledge that I while I don’t get it, or see it or feel it - God’s got it! So in this moment of transparency, I am choosing to side with Him instead of my own reasoning and emotions. Easy ? Of course not, but truth is truth and this is what faith is about after all, isn’t it?

I pray God’s blessings and his comfort over those of you going through a trial at this time. It’s okay if you don’t get it as long as you don’t lose sight of the fact that God’s Got It and He’s Got You even when it doesn’t feel like He does.

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