God's Got It
To be completely honest, I’ve been angry with God. While I understand that life is not fair and no one is promised a trouble-free life, I quietly took exception with God concerning what my dad has been going through for the past few years - the dementia, the strokes, the illnesses. Aging has not been kind and quite frankly I don’t get it. I get the whole “circle of life” thing, but I can’t help but believe that we don’t HAVE to leave this earth sick in body and mind, or in pain, especially believers. I don’t get how a man who spent his entire live in God’s service ends up here. I don’t get the pain in watch a man who once changed others lives with the words that God gave him, unable to form a coherent sentence at times, not to mention the other things I’ve witnessed since I returned home. I just don’t get it. There have been times when I’ve wanted to shake my fist at the Heavens and scream, “God, where ARE You in all of this?!!!”
Not a fist-shaking screamer by nature, I opted for my own quiet rebellion. I can’t remember when I last opened my Bible, or prayed or worshipped, or fasted. I even stopped blogging - no sense in adding hypocrisy to the list, right? All the stuff that I KNOW works, I dropped. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t left God. I don’t reverence Him any less. I still believe and all that. In fact people have sought me out more during this time for prayer or an encouraging word! God is so funny like that - He chooses to use us in the moments we feel we have the least to give. I suppose that’s so there’s no danger of us getting in the way or taking the credit!
Also, for whatever reason I’ve been listening to gospel music only for a while (in fact as I write this Israel is in my ear singing ‘I Am Not Forgotten’ I know it’s true, but it sure has felt like He had forgotten us) - so I know God has His hand on me still. Even so, I sense the distance and I realize I’m the one who created it. So now as I being the business of getting back in place with God I acknowledge that I while I don’t get it, or see it or feel it - God’s got it! So in this moment of transparency, I am choosing to side with Him instead of my own reasoning and emotions. Easy ? Of course not, but truth is truth and this is what faith is about after all, isn’t it?