Wrestling with God
The Bible tells the story of how Jacob wrestled with God one night until it was nearly dawn. The end result was his hip being put out of joint AND his name (and his nature) being forever changed by his encounter with his Creator. He was no longer 'the supplanter' or 'the deceiver.' No, now he was Israel and through Him God did great things.
I'm feeling very much like Jacob tonight. I've been wresting with God for a long, long time. Today, I finally, truly, completely let it all go. The fight, the conflict, the struggle is over. The end result is my hip being put out of joint and the pain that goes along with that, BUT my nature is being changed by my encounter with my Creator.
I didn't plan for the fight to end today. It was quite unexpected and without the fanfare and drama I always thought it would bring. In fact, it happened during a deep conversation with a friend overseas who is called to be a nun. (Thanks so much, K) She probably had no idea of the impact of our discussion on me, but in that moment it made me look, I mean really look, at myself, my life, where I'm going and what I'm meant to do and be. The only reasonable response was to let everything that doesn't fit go; and so even as we were talking, I did.
I don't know exactly how Jacob felt after the wrestling match was over, but I imagine he was a little sore. I've heard it preached that he walked with a limp for the rest of his life which no doubt forever reminded him of that night. But he got so much more out of it than a limp, he got the blessing of God! He refused to let go of God until He blessed him and that's exactly what he received! I don't know about anyone else, but that's worth a shout in my book!!!
So I'm doing the same thing tonight that Jacob did all those years ago. I realize this fight is over, and I'm ok with that. There is pain involved and I'm ok with that. I may mourn about it for a while, however, I refuse to let go of God until He blesses me and I believe I'm going to get just that! I don't know how or when or even what it will be, but I receive it in faith and expect it any time!
I know this is God's doing because there is no way I could have reached this place in and of myself. In fact, I didn't want to reach this place. I ran from it. I kicked and screamed and scratched. I was like that unfortunate kitty struggling to escape from Pepe le pew! Well tonight, I'm done with all that and there is such peace in surrendering all of my will, my way, my plans to Him - who better to give the control to? I have to admit that this is one of the scariest places I've ever been, but I know it is right where I am supposed to be. And so the journey continues and seems like it's just beginning all at the same time.
Whatever it is you may be wrestling with God about, it may be time to stop fighting Him, but make sure you don't let go of Him until He blesses you. Happy Wednesday/almost Thursday all!